• Given the playlist of student organizations on the West Mall, you would think Lifehouse, The Calling, and Savage Garden were still really popular.
• It’s 4:24 p.m. and no one has thought of a new joke about OU.
• The cute girl standing next to you on the elevator just got done taking a fat dump.
• If you think fire exit signs and apartment fixtures are the only things that random drunks break, then you forgot about “into tears everytime they go to sleep.”
• Students who still listen to CD players will jam out to The Cranberries while rollerblading home in time to watch Wings.
• Male co-eds wearing “Friends with benefits” T-shirts don’t enjoy the irony of sitting next to someone wearing a “Save Darfur” T-shirt.
• A nonstop bombardment of 21-year old birthday party invitations on Facebook will spur you to defriend all 348 of your friends without guilt.
• A student in a genetics class will manage to link his discontent with the Bush administration to DNA transcription and everyone in class will nod in agreement at the fresh perspective he offered.
• Couples unabashedly making out on the South Mall lawn will show that love has no limits, and people who have never committed public display of affection will find themselves with new, much stricter limits on their love.
• The guy who claims he prefers riding a moped to campus because of rising gas prices secretly wishes he had a motorcycle, a car, or a penis.
• Students will stop using public transportation when war-hardened veteran bus drivers pantomime machine gun fire at boarding passengers.
• Trendy girls will continue to wear the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen.
• The guy who gives out parking tickets on campus is living the American Dream.
• Students who don’t even know what a football team’s starting line up is are trampled on the way to the library by a swarm of burnt-orange-and-white alcoholics.
• If your parents don’t come up for Parents’ Weekend, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s just means you placed below your younger brother’s soccer game and your mother’s drinking problem.
• How’s that spring-water dough, stone-baked, $15, 10-inch pizza from Mellow Mushroom taste, queef?