• Government majors are more than willing to talk down to anyone who will listen to their expert opinions on the complexities of the election.
• Dennis Kucinich will announce his belief that he will still win the presidential election, leaving most of the nation left to question who that guy with the funny last name is.
• People walking around with headphones think they're in a movie or something.
• Secure guys in pink shirts will propagate a new era of reformed masculinity as soon as they are done being full of it.
• Liberal professors will increasingly pepper their lectures with unsolicited critiques of Neocon ideology as part of a vast conspiracy to force their leftist worldview upon thousands of young people incapable of sentient thought.
• Bush says what Kerry says about what Bush says Kerry wants is wrong.
• People riding their bikes without hands have magical powers and won't mind a good hard shove.
• Most Kerry supporters will vote for him not because they respect his principles or vision for America, but because Laura Bush is a reptilian smile-monger.
• Security guards working at the Co-op want to be your friend but you're going to have to throw away that Dr Pepper first.
• Two presidential candidates will continue to trade childish, oversimplified barbs at one another's character and integrity. Meanwhile, monkeys will continue to throw their own poop.
• Students who buckle their backpack straps will continue to enjoy the comfort and support such extraneous features provide.
• Some guy will blurt out "now that's what I'm talking about!" even though he contributed absolutely nothing to your conversation.
• Perky people are just really happy. Really.
• Rick Perry will start rumors of his affairs with David Dewhurst and Ann Richards when being overshadowed by the "real" election becomes too much for him.
• People using the self-checkout line at the grocery store are hoping to inconspiciously buy whipped cream and condoms but will end up calling more attention to themselves when two store managers have to help them work the machine.
• Secret prank societies are getting ready to pull off the second biggest election scam in recent history by making hordes of fake "Vote Here" signs.
• Nobody cares about how politically apathetic you are — especially the staff of the Travesty.
