October 2004 (v7 i2)
Reforming Tort Since 1997
 Jump to Issue  

Buy Merchandise

AIM Buddy Icons

Desktop Backgrounds


John Edwards unable to disassociate himself from running mate
CLEVELAND, OH — During the final month of the presidential campaign, vice presidential candidate John Edwards seemed unable to refer to himself without also dropping John Kerry's name. "John Kerry and I would like the chicken Kiev, please," said Edwards when ordering dinner at a Cleveland restaurant. "He didn't seem to notice Mr. Kerry wasn't with him at first," said waitress Diane Steele. "But then he looked sort of embarrassed, laughed and told me he and John [Kerry] had a long day." Later that evening, other diners overheard Sen. Edwards having a cell phone conversation which ended with his saying, "John Kerry and I love you too, honey."

Colin Powell takes fall for broken White House window
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Colin Powell spent the day last Tuesday taking heat from White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card for a broken window in the Rose Room of the White House. The window was broken several hours before by President Bush and Donald Rumsfeld in a pick-up softball game on the South Lawn, but the Bronx native took the fall for the shattered glass in an effort to lessen the rebuke of the president. "It was a failure on my part to make sure that the game would not endanger the periphery of the White House," Powell said. "I'd just like to add that we're working on finding out what went wrong."

» More Dirty Briefs

Government majors are more than willing to talk down to anyone who will listen to their expert opinions on the complexities of the election.
Dennis Kucinich will announce his belief that he will still win the presidential election, leaving most of the nation left to question who that guy with the funny last name is.
People walking around with headphones think they're in a movie or something.
Secure guys in pink shirts will propagate a new era of reformed masculinity as soon as they are done being full of it.
Liberal professors will increasingly pepper their lectures with unsolicited critiques of Neocon ideology as part of a vast conspiracy to force their leftist worldview upon thousands of young people incapable of sentient thought.
Bush says what Kerry says about what Bush says Kerry wants is wrong.
People riding their bikes without hands have magical powers and won't mind a good hard shove.
• Most Kerry supporters will vote for him not because they respect his principles or vision for America, but because Laura Bush is a reptilian smile-monger.
Security guards working at the Co-op want to be your friend but you're going to have to throw away that Dr Pepper first.
Two presidential candidates will continue to trade childish, oversimplified barbs at one another's character and integrity. Meanwhile, monkeys will continue to throw their own poop.
Students who buckle their backpack straps will continue to enjoy the comfort and support such extraneous features provide.
Some guy will blurt out "now that's what I'm talking about!" even though he contributed absolutely nothing to your conversation.
Perky people are just really happy. Really.
Rick Perry will start rumors of his affairs with David Dewhurst and Ann Richards when being overshadowed by the "real" election becomes too much for him.
People using the self-checkout line at the grocery store are hoping to inconspiciously buy whipped cream and condoms but will end up calling more attention to themselves when two store managers have to help them work the machine.
Secret prank societies are getting ready to pull off the second biggest election scam in recent history by making hordes of fake "Vote Here" signs.
Nobody cares about how politically apathetic you are — especially the staff of the Travesty.

Voters: Bush too adorable not to be re-elected
CANTOR, NEBRASKA — The Ladies' Political Chit-Chat Squad assembled on Oct. 15th to finalize their endorsement­ for the presidential election.... » more

Ruth Bader Ginsberg trying really hard not to die
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After watching the development of the near-even campaigns between Sen. Kerry and President Bush, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg released a statement that she was trying "extra hard not to die in the near future...." » more

Electoral College finds popular voters 'absolutely precious'
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Candidates for the U.S. Electoral College, which will elect the president in December, find the upcoming popular election "absolutely precious...." » more

Campus Democrats split into several rival factions
CAMPUS — A long-standing feud between two prominent members of the Campus Democrats sparked a slew of club secessions that has resulted in the formation of seven new Democrat clubs, says CDems spokesperson Jonathan Reese.... » more

U.S. to tease Iraq with full democracy, Bill of Rights
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretary of State Colin Powell announced today that until Iraq learns how to behave itself properly, the United States will place disciplinary limits on its burgeoning democracy.... » more

What's that THING on John Kerry's Head?

Diary Of A Drama Queen

Voter's Guide

The Secret Lives Of Swing Voters

Shock & Awe Poster

Kids' Korner

The Intelligence Maze

Bush: "Need some wood?"

For Sale: U.S. Congressman

Toby Keith Lyrics

New Books By Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen

Michael Moore's SO FAT

Dear Abby

What's your ideology?

Jesus Is...

Editorial Cartoon

That'll be me someday
Brett Haley
SG President
Who in their right mind would vote for Kerry?
J. Everett Hamilton
Inside The Wasp's Nest
Family connections only make things easier
George W. Bush
U.S. President
Just smile and do what I say
Karl Rove
Senior Bush Advisor
Make sure to Rock the Vote, America!
Drew Barrymore
Very Unstable
Who do I have to vomit blood on for some aid relief?
Aini Ismael Abdullah
Darfur Refugee
Remember to vote for me!!!
Carrie Edwards
Presidential Candidate
©1997-2006 Texas Travesty | Copyright & Legalese | Issue Credits | Texas Travesty Archives Home